twenty-two

My 22nd birthday is fast approaching. For the first time in quite some time, I find myself eager and excited for the day. I am always happy to be one year older, I was one of the many misguided that felt they had to grow up too quickly and couldn't wait to be a "real adult." But this year is different than all the others. I havent had a real birthday party or anything for the last three years and I havent minded much. Even on my 21st it was off to work and then home with Adam and making myself choke down a tiny glass of Arbor Mist just because I could buy it myself and thats what you're supposed to do. 21 didnt mean much. 22 means everything.

Sounds silly, I know. But I have my reasons. Some of you know why. Some of you dont. Doesnt matter, really, whether you do or you dont... just know that June 2nd 2009 through June 1st 2010 is going to be the most crucial time of my life to date. There are very few things in life I actually know I know... but this is one of them. I've known it since I was thirteen. I've been counting down the days.... and boy am I ever ready for it.

I have been preparing myself for it. I know I am in for the ride of my life... but I know when God promises you "The Year To Remember" that doesnt necessarily mean a year filled to the brim with joy and contentment. I have done my best to prepare myself for both the best and the worst. But no matter what events arise during those twelve months- I know that it will shape my soul and my person into the real individual I was meant to be. I anticipate the biggest smiles, the fiercest sobs, and more clarity than any young woman should really have.

To start off my journey on the right foot, I have laid to rest some of the reoccuring arguments that Adam and I have. It puts an unnecessary strain on our relationship and through honesty and compromise- we have finally reached an agreement both parties are satisfied with! That alone eliminates at least 50% of all the stress and fights we've had/have. Thank goodness. As a result, I have found myself becoming a better friend to those aroud me, and accepting some truths about myself that are hard to admit to. I've taken responsibility for my part in the negativity. It was like a lightswitch. I was trying to support a friend of mine in her current relationship issues and when she broke down crying she said something that cut me like a knife. Her boyfriend was doing some of the same emotional defense things to her that I do with Adam... and I saw how bad it was hurting her. Im not an aural learner... Adam can say that it hurts him how ever many times he wants, but its when I see the pain with my eyes is when I truly understand. My jaw literally dropped. I went straight home and apologized profusely to Adam. It made me appreciate him so much more for being strong and wise and patient. I am truly blessed to be with him.

On Friday, I will be going to a highly recommended woman for a session of spiritual awareness/healing/reading. I know many relaible people that have gone to her (she is a friend of their family) and speak highly of how life changing it is and how it helps you grow and heal internally. I get emotional thinking about it. I know it will do me worlds of good. It will put my spirit right before embarking on a too-anticipated chapter of my life. I cant wait to report my experiences to you!

On a lighter note. I'm hella excited for a themed BBQ I'll be attending at Stender's house next Saturday! REDNECKS! Yee-haw! Unite! Its gonna be a blast!

Also. A little list of things that I'd like to do/get/experience in my 22nd year of life.



BEFORE I TURN 23:

- Find a wondeful perfume that I love is affordable, lasts all day, and people can smell it when I walk by (you know when you walk through the mall and a woman passes you and you smell her perfume and it lingers for a second, but not too strongly and you go "ooooooooh!" ... yeah that.)

- Get a new tattoo!!!

- Get a massage! (Maybe a whole spa day with a mani/pedi too!)

- FINALLY buy a clear Burts Bee's Lipshimmer. (I always accidentally grab the colored ones and they NEVER look good on me!)

- Find the perfect bathing suit for under $80

- Get a cell phone I actually like

- Be happy with my body again

- Be engaged or single