thoughts

Colden is down for his afternoon nap. I'm just sitting at the computer absorbed in my own meandering thoughts.

Adam rearranged our entire house for probably the third or fourth time since the start of the new year. Our bedroom is now the big room again, the small bedroom is for our computers and miscellaneous and now we have two sofas and two coffee tables in our living room. *sigh* Our excess of furniture bugs the crap out of me.

I did basically a thousand loads of laundry this weekend. Every article of clothing, every set of sheets, and every single towel in our house is now clean and fairly organized. I give it until Sunday before its a complete disaster again.

Christine reminded me this morning that I need to start getting organized for my trip to Omaha. I haven't even contemplated packing or how to entertain myself during the trip. To be completely honest-- I'm terrified. There have been a shit ton of plane crashes in the area within the last few weeks and it scares me. It really, truly scares me. The last one that crashed in New York state took off from Newark Intn'l airport, which just happens to be the airport I'm departing from. I dont want to die. There is so many things left that I want to accomplish in my life. And what an absolutely horrific way to die! I've never been afraid of flying, but the anxiety is actually really getting to me. Please pray for my safety and sanity during these next few days. Brittan told me that flying is significantly safer than driving, so I am grasping onto that bit of hopeful information.

In other news...

A weightloss update: I had gained a couple of pounds over the holidays & stress-filled first weeks of the year. I waivered in the 195/96/97 range for a few weeks. But I am very happy to say that I weighed in this morning at 191.6! I unfortunately failed my first mini-goal of being 189 on Valentine's Day, but I feel like that goal is now very attainable. As a matter of fact- I think that I can get there by next week! Since I've reached "Onederland" as we 200+ fatties have been known to call it, my long term goals seem much, much more attainable!

For example- Adam watched my Harvey dvd a while back and commented on how fantastic I looked :) Well, I was about 180 my senior year of high school. Thats only ten pounds away!!! So easy! Also... I have some photos of me when I lived in Mexico that I absolutely love. I'm just in jeans, a hoodie, and tennies but I recalling feel so great and confident about my body. And I was about 160-165ish.

The lowest number I've seen on a scale in my teenage/adult life was when I was fifteen, before I moved back up to the states I weighed in at 157. The highest I've seen was probably the autumn/winter of 2007 when I reached about 225-230. Lucky for me, I have some great role models I can look up to remind me that it is possible! My cousin Michelle and my aunt Debi both look amazing and I am so proud of them for all of their hardwork (and insanely jealous and wish I could be handed their results without having to work for it!). Also- last summer my daddy lost a lot of weight and I was so happy for him, and for my family. I've never seen him looking so healthy and it really helped ease worries that I have about him. I want him to be around to lovingly insult his grandchildren and his greatgrandchildren.

Seeing my own family take initiative in getting healthy means so much to me. Our genetics and lifestyle habits have really worked against us and it is so motivating to see us slowly but surely getting healthy. Not just for ourselves-- but for our family. That is what is about now.

I already have long-standing knee problems. My blood pressure is good- not great/not terrible. Well, I want it to be fantastic. And 191.6 pounds is still a lot for my poor fragile knees to pack around each day! I do not want diabetes. I do not want arthritis or carpal tunnel or have to use a cane or a wheelchair long before my time. And I want my brothers and cousins and partner and future children to know that I love them so much that I am going to take better care of myself so I can be around to love them and support them and bug the crap out of them for a very, very long time.

Thin does not equal healthy. I have no desire to be thin. I love my curves! Granted, at the moment many of my curves are in the wrong places! BUT- I look forward to watching them shift into their proper spots. I eat well and sleep well and it gives me more energy. And with the weather beginning to warm that energy will be put to good use as I spend my days trying to keep up with a 2 year old boy!

I implore you all to take a look at your lifestyle habits. Every little thing counts! Is there something that you can be doing better for yourself? I dont want to be on my death bed some day from congestive heart failure knowing that I could've had another day, week, month, year with my loved ones if I would've just done a little something more for myself.